Finding the Beauty

As a wife, mom,  and woman I am hard on myself constantly. I compare myself to others, I find myself constantly picking at my blemishes, my flaws, and the things I wish were different.

We tend to believe we have to hold the world on our shoulders while still being able to stick a landing. Let me tell you a secret: I am not perfect. I mess up a lot, but I am thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

When I was younger I was so naive, I didn’t seem to have a care in the world. It has only been in recent years, particularly since having my son, that I’ve realized how important life really is. The importance of how we choose to live our days.

While I was pregnant, I never in my lifetime would have thought that I’d be sobbing and hugging my husband while we watched as doctors and nurses wheeled our two-week old into an operating room. I never imagined our life would be filled with doctors and specialist appointments and the never ending fear of losing our child.

As I write this today, we just watched our son go through his third surgery, at two years old. I don’t write all of this for people to feel badly for us. I write to hopefully give you some hope.

This is the life we were given—we can choose to be angry and upset at the fact that our son has had daily health struggles, or we can be happy and thankful for his life. For his precious smile that lights up the room, for his spunky little attitude and comedic one word sayings.

Of course, I am human. I’ve done my fair share of sobbing, questioning why, and worrying for our son’s future. In fact, some of those things cross my mind on a daily basis. Life is always going to give you trials, but it’s how you choose to respond to them that makes all the difference.

For me, I enjoy looking good for my husband. I truly love to put on makeup and do my hair before leaving the house. It’s what keeps me sane and keeps me, well, me. Finding the beauty in the ugliest of times is extremely hard, but it’s also one of the most rewarding things in life.